Bereavement means losing someone through death. It could be a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, friend, or lover - anyone who is important to you. 

The feelings you have after bereavement can be confusing, but it’s worth remembering that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel. Nobody can tell you how you should be acting or feeling when you experience a bereavement.

What feelings might I have?

During bereavement you can go through a lot of different feelings, sometimes this can feel quite confusing but it's normal to feel like this. Often one of the first things you feel is disbelief that the person has actually gone. The shock of losing someone can also make you feel numb, where you don't really feel anything.

Losing someone can seem unfair and cruel and you will probably feel quite angry about it at some point. You may also find it physically and mentally painful to think about someone you love having died. It's also common to feel guilty about things you did or didn't say before the person died, don't beat yourself up about this.

If the person had been through alot of suffering before they died you may be relieved that they have gone. Try not to feel guilty about feeling relieved- it doesn't mean that you don't miss them. It just means your glad they're not in pain anymore.

Some people become depressed after a bereavement. It's a good idea to go to your GP if you are feeling like this as it can be treated in the same way as any other depression.

You might also find it takes longer than you or other people expect to get over someone’s death. Losing someone can be like suffering a physical injury: you need time to heal and recover. However, there is a lot of help out there for you, see your GP or contact one of the organisations listed below.

How long should a person grieve?

Normally, the pain of losing someone gets better over time. However, there is no timetable for bereavement — it is different for everyone. Try not to feel guilty when you realise you are finally getting over a loss, it is a healthy healing process which can help you to get on with the business of living your life.

Carrying On

It can be hard going back to college, university or work after someone close to you has died. It can often help to talk to friends, lecturers or workmates about how you’re feeling, but some people prefer not to. It is worth talking to tutors, lecturers or managers about making sure you can cope with your workload during this time. Try to remember that, although they mean well and care about you, some of your friends might feel awkward and won’t know what to say to you. You can help them by telling them if you’d like to talk about what’s happened to you or if you'd rather talk about other things.

How can I help a friend who is bereaved?

Spending time with your friend can help, even if they do not want to talk about what has happened, and a hug is a very good way of showing support. Just say if you aren't sure what to say to them, because this is better than not mentioning it at all. Keep asking them to get out and do things, even if they keep saying no, they will appreciate being asked especially the day they decide they are ready. Call, text, or email to let them know you are there for them, people often feel isolated when they are bereaved.

Funerals

Funeral directors offer care and support and will make sure the process of arranging a funeral is as easy as possible. If they are members of the National Assocation of Funeral Directors they can refer you to their bereavement counselling helpline. You may find that your minister, priest or equivalent can help you, even if you do not regularly attend religious services. Often religious communities have counselling services attached to them that any member of the local community can use. If you do not have a religious belief try contacting bereavement counsellors or organisations such as Cruse (see below).

More...

RD4U - This site is from Cruse Bereavement Care but is written by young people and is aimed at young people experiencing bereavement. They also have a helpline on 0808 808 1677 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm).

Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland - Call the National phoneline on 0845 600 2227 to find a bereavement counsellor or support group, or look on their website for details of different branches.

Bereavement Advice Centre - Their website tells you about the practical aspects of what to do when someone dies, but if you call their helpline on 0800 634 9494 (9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday) they can give you details of counsellors and support groups.

Samaritans - they are also there to help. Call 08457 90 90 90 or visit their website for more info.

Breathing Space - Phone 0800 83 85 87 (6pm - 2am daily) for more support and information. Breathing Space are there to help if you are feeling low, for whatever reason.