If you’ve decided that you’re ready for sex it’s important to make sure that you enjoy healthy sex. The word ‘sex’ can be used for arrange of activities including masturbation, mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, phone sex, cyber sex to penetrative sex! Healthy sex should be safe and consensual and can be also be fun, and pleasurable.

It’s also worth understanding what might risks there might be. These could be regrets, unwanted pregnancy or getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).

Pleasure

If you’ve chosen to have sex then it should be an enjoyable, pleasurable experience. This could depend on a number of factors. It’s worth asking yourself why you want to have sex. Is it because you’re in a relationship? You’re really attracted to the person you want to have sex with? Are you lonely or just wanting some fun?

Sometimes there can be wrong reasons for having sex and these can get in the way of it being a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. These could be:

• Peer pressure- all your friends are saying they’re having sex so you have sex with someone when you’re not ready.
• Trying to make someone else jealous.
• When you’re under the influence of alcohol or drugs you may make decisions you regret later on.
• You’re not attracted to the person but it feels good to get attention.
• You’re being asked for sex in return for something like money or shelter.

For more information visit our page on Thinking about Sex?

Safer

Safer sex means protecting yourself and your partner from regrets, unwanted pregnancy or STIs. Talking about how you’re going to do this with your partner before having sex is really important. Use a condom and other forms of contraception.

• If you think you may have been at risk of catching an STI go and get tested. For more information on STIs and getting tested go to our page on STIs.
• If you choose to have anal sex use lots of lube (lubricating gel, which is available with free condoms at c:card points)

Safer sex also involves thinking about your personal safety. Going to clubs and the internet can be great ways of meeting new people but it’s important to stay safe, especially online. People may not always be who they seem to be.

• Don’t give out personal details such as your address and full name.
• Always arrange to meet in a public place.
• Try to make sure your friends know where you’re going.
• If you choose to have sex then pick a somewhere you feel safe.

Consensual

This means that you have both agreed that you would like to have sex. Being forced or intimidated into having sex against your will is abuse.

Taking about sex means that you can make sure you are both happy to have sex- before and afterwards:

• Talk to your partner about what you would like, what you agree to and what you don’t feel comfortable with
• Keep communicating. You may have started out happy to have sex but during sex decide that you would like to stop. It’s far better to stop and talk about it if you feel this way. You may end up regretting it if you carry on
• If you have decided that you are no longer comfortable having sex but your partner carries on then this can be classed as sexual assault. For more information on how what you can do if this has happened to you see this leaflet from Rape Crisis Scotland

The Law

The Legal age for sex in Scotland is 16 years old, for both boys and girls. So if both people are 16 years or older and both want to sex then it is legal. Sex is illegal if

• One of the partners is under the age of 16
• One of the partners is forced to have sex against their will
• If you’ve been promised something in return
• With someone who is looking after you in a position of trust e.g a teacher, doctor or carer
• If happens in a public place.

For more information about what the law says about sex visit our page on Sex & the Law.

Unhealthy Sex

An individual’s experience of sex should not result from or in:

• Any form of abuse
• Being forced to participate against your will
• Physical or psychological harm – otherwise someone hurting you such as hitting, beating or put downs
• Intimidation
• Bullying
• Threats
• Blackmail
• Being too drunk/stoned and out of control

More...

Caledonia Youth- Information and support for young people on sexual health, relationships and emotional issues.

Sexual Health Scotland- Information on taking care of your sexual health.

Brook- Free and confidential information for young people under the age of 25.

LGBT Youth Scotland- Information, advice and support for lgbt youth in Scotland.

Rape Crisis Scotland-  Advice and support of anyone affected by rape or sexual assault.